Do you want to have children in a marriage?
This question came casually during a conversation when I met my friend. She told me that when she’s little she vowed not to have children. And now when she’s already married she says that she still doesn’t want to give birth to a child of her own. She can’t see herself as a mother. It really surprised me. I think she’s the first woman – in her child-bearing age – who admits openly that she doesn’t want to have children. Why?
She said that when on her duty tour to one of Latin American countries she and her husband visited an orphanage. This orphanage is the sanctuary for children whose parents were died due to internal conflicts, or parents who left them to join the guerillas. It broke her heart when she saw all the little children were raising their arms when they saw she and her husband entered the room – the raising arms and the wide-opened eyes were yearning for hugs, for love. In her heart she said that if we can only give miseries to all children in the world then what’s the point of giving birth to any children? She keeps asking herself whether she will be a good mother, whether she’ll be emotionally ready for her children whenever they need her, whether she can provide and protect them from any wicked ways this world has in store for them, etc.
Yes, true, but I don’t quite agree with her. Life itself is a Gift from God, a miracle. If we say we don’t want children in a marriage, I think it’s like saying to God that we refuse His Gift, that we refuse a miracle. I know my parents struggled when we’re little but it didn’t stop them from giving us the opportunity to live and experience His Love. I think this world is very cruel to children, and yet I am grateful that I can bear witness to it. I know we all want to give the best for our children and that we’re scared if we can’t provide the best for them. We can argue that we want to be ready – financially, emotionally, and physically – when we welcome them to this world. But, again,… are we ever ready for anything happens in this life? I don’t think so. Of course there are some exceptions – for example: mothers or would-be mothers with fatal health condition, or abusing or non providing fathers, etc.
The majority of women will definitely claim that they want to give birth to (at least) a child, be called mother, and will be panic-stricken when they reach the “unproductive” age and still haven’t had the chance to be one.
I was once contemplated over insemination – you can choose and select in the sperm bank on what kind of baby you want. Ha, ha,… am I insane? Not really. At least at that time I didn’t think it’s insane. But, as time goes by and over many contemplations, readings and discussions I decided it’s not my path. I will not enforce a condition to a soul who doesn’t have a choice but to accept it. I felt like I’d be a self-centered and egotistical person if I choose to do it – the need to be a biological mother simply cannot justify it.
My friend, life is complicated but amazingly beautiful – try to accept His Gift. You never know how wonderful it will turn out for you *smile*.