Hm… the past couple postings in my blog look so serious. I like to ponder on things – and I hate to pass through every moment without capturing the meaning of things around me. Well, well, it’s me again, the INFJ person *smile*.
So, here I am.. laughing over what Vita’s written in her blog, titled “Men cannot handle smart, independent, rich women…true or false?”
OK, here are my comments:
The magazine interviewed 4 guys. Three of them said that their ideal women are those who can cook, take care of the house, have sense of humor, smart, physically pretty. They all said they don’t mind the women working, but as a wife they should make the family number one priority. They said they don’t mind if the women work, but they don’t feel comfortable with career women. Women with bigger income, they don’t mind, as long as the wives still respect them.
Comment: I don’t mind to have husband like what those men said about their ideal women – can cook, take care of the house, have sense of humour (sebel kan ama cowo yang be-te), smart (bukan snob), physically fit (tapi gak merendahkan istrinya yang gendut habis melahirkan), I really don’t mind the men working but they have to make family number one priority (misalnya inget hari ulang tahun istri dan anaknya, atau kalo anaknya dapet accident dia bisa ke rumah sakit ngurusin bukannya malah cuek), I am comfortable with career men (kenapa ya isunya selalu ama career women bukan career men?), and I still respect them whether they have bigger or smaller pay check than me (laki-laki tuh jangan minder mulu, terus kena sindrom rendah diri yang berakibat ke ulah aneh-aneh, terus juga jangan jadi parasit, apa-apa maunya ditraktir atau dibeliin, have a bit of dignity lah), he, he,… Eh, namanya juga ideal, bisa dapet, bisa nggak kan? I am really curious berapa banyak cowo sih yang mendapatkan cewe seperti yang dia sebutin di atas?
Here is what I see. Men cannot, repeat, CANNOT handle smart independent career women. I have friends that are smart, dated smart girls, but at the end they choose young girls that haven’t finished college, or just got out of college (and not the ‘difficult’ colleges) and hasn’t seen the world yet. From Dad to husband. I’m not talking about marrying the school sweetheart, but guys that are on purpose finding the kind of women who are more simple and simply just work (i.e. not career women). These guys say that they want smart women to be able to have discussion with, but at the end, they marry the ‘innocent’ young ones. Not the ones they often spend time discussing, brainstorming, debating and arguing with. They married the “My husband is the leader of my life” kind of women.
Comment: He, he,… iya sih. Men have this special term for SIR women – ‘complicated demanding women’. Do you know why the men like to have discussion with smart, independent women? It’s because they get the attention they need – it’s women’s nature to pay attention to their friends while talking. However, they don’t marry these kinds of women because they used to be numero uno, ya cannot share the spotlight with another human being lah especially women *smile*.
And, tell you what, how many of my male friends have an affair. Almost all of them, say, 90% of them have an affair or had an affair (not necessarily sleep, but usually they end up that way) with women who are smarter than their wives. So they have a wife that take cares of their kids, a wife not as smart as them, but they also have female ‘friends’ that they discuss and debate with. If a single men meet someone ‘compatible’ with them intelectually, they don’t want to marry the women. They choose a more, simple, women. For some reason, it is bitter, but when I look at my friends that got married in their 30s, their wives are usually between 20-24 years old.
Comment: Biasanya sih emang begitu, cowo nyari istri tuh liat kemasan dulu baru isi. Katanya sih kalo kemasannya bagus, isinya bisa diperbaiki dan di-upgrade gitu, apalagi kalo masih muda, he, he,… The problem is ten to twenty years down the road ternyata yang kemasannya bagus ini susah banget buat di-upgrade isinya *smile*. And these men complain they can’t take their wives to corporate social function. Terus nyesel. Haiya! Most of my former clients (in their early or late fifties) said that men realize too little too late that they should better look for ‘brain and attitude’ rather than ‘physical beauty’. When their career flourish their wives still look beautiful but don’t ask them ‘to open their mouth’ – you’d be flabbergasted (am I being rude? I hope not).
My friend, based on her experience, nodded her head when we came to a conclusion that men actually cannot handle it well if their wives are doing better than them. And it shows in the magazine, the men in there prefers domestic wives. They don’t like, or most likely, cannot handle their wives doing business trips too much, or long hours in the office and earning big money. Unless they have been dating since college. I mean, in the magz, the men want women to make family and taking care of the house and food the first priority. That shouldn’t be only the wives priority, should also be the hubbies!
Comment: Couldn’t agree more!
And after the wives devote 100% of their time to the family, the husband prefer to spend more time with smarter, independent, women. NO matter if they are already married or not.
Comment: Ya itulah salah satu keuntungan jadi laki-laki di dunia ini. Don’t know when life will be fair to both men and women *smile*. Tapi paling tidak sekarang perempuan punya alternatif jadi SIR, tidak hanya submissive, doting, with no-income women. (My mom keeps on pushing her daughters to work and contribute to our family and society.)
So it’s a bit funny when I hear my male friends talk about why they have affairs. Because they cannot communicate with their wives. Because their wives are too busy working so they go out and find someone who are willing to pamper them.
Comment: Ah, alesan aja… Gimana kalo career women yang juga ibu rumah tangga merasa gak bisa communicate dengan suaminya? Apa boleh juga go out and find someone who are willing to pamper them? He, he,…
Comment: Being single is really a bliss. One of my female friends said that she envies my single life – I could go anywhere and I don’t need to count my husband or my family as a factor to make a decision. My sisters also agree that single life has its unique contentment – on weekends you can wake up late and just doing nothing but enjoy the day to your desires, on working days you just need to take care of yourself, you can buy things like there is no tomorrow, etc. But they love their married live anyway – being married and parents have made them think and do anything about their other halves and children before themselves. Eh, kok nglantur….
Well, ‘kembali ke laptop’ (seperti kata Tukul)… I’d tend to agree that the majority of men, especially Asian men, cannot handle smart, independent, rich women. Of course there are some exceptions – and I know some of them *smile*.