I chatted with my friend, L, around November last year. She’s about 2-month pregnant with her second child. I was so glad to hear about it. It’s always on the back of my mind to contact her again and get the most recent news on her pregnancy. It broke my heart when tonight I read her e-mail… I should contact her earlier….
Following is her e-mail, I know it’s so personal and beautiful, but I’m sure she’s in peace and recuperating. My dear L, my thought and prayer with you during this time. Time heals and will teach us what everything in our life means to us and the people we love.
In Memory of Gabriel Deodatus S. – April 4, 2007
Thank you for all your supports, thoughts, prayers, calls and emails.
We’ve been thankful to Him who has sent all of you around us in this difficult time.
Some of you might have known and might not that we had to terminate the 7-month pregnancy. The baby had a genetic problem of homozygote alpha thalassemia because both of us are alpha thalassemia carriers with 2 deletion of alpha globins cells. The baby had no alpha globin genes so he would not be able to produce the hemoglobin. His heart was failing.
It’s a heartbreaking choice to terminate my pregnancy. But if the new life itself that could not live, so I thought it might be useful to donate the baby’s body for the research and hope that might help a breakthrough for the cure in the future. I called several Thalassemia research institution in the US, and finally found one that want the cord blood of my baby.
Although, I was still questioning Him why He put me in this test to take the decision of terminating my pregnancy. Somehow, I knew that He was with me in this decision. Even until the last minute before the procedure I still hoped that He wouldn’t let me to take this decision and interfered by taking my baby to His heavenly kingdom. I talked to the doctor and let her know that my wish was to donate the blood of the baby and to be able to hold the baby after the delivery. She told me that she could do that, so I consented her to perform the termination of my pregnancy.
The first day procedure (Mon, Apr 2) was to draw the baby cord blood, stop the baby heartbeat and the dilation of my cervic. I was sedated during the procedure, I couldn’t remember anything. I was glad to be sedated during this procedure, otherwise I might freak out and got hysterical and emotionally drained. The doctor confirmed that she was able to draw the cord blood and would sent it to the reseach centre.
That night, I woke up at 4AM and as if I felt that He told me the reason why He didn’t want to interfere. If He took the life of the baby then the doctor wouldn’t be able to draw his blood because it will be coagulated. He finally let me have peace in my mind to let go our beloved son, Gabriel Deodatus S. We named him to remind us how strong and thriving he was in my womb. Deodatus means we give him back to God.
The second day was the second replacement of laminaria to dilate the cervic. I was already 2.5cm dilated. So that day, I tried to walk a bit more to help the dilation process progressing faster.
On Wednesday Apr 4, as I was expected, I was 7.5cm dilated and I was sedated and induced for labor. The process was quite fast. In 2 hours, they woke me up and told me that I’d just delivered my baby. Under the influence of anesthetic, I just cried realizing that the baby now was really gone, felt the emptiness that something precious just had been taken away from me. The nurse assisted me to walk to the recovery room and waited till I was ready to hold the baby.
My sister came in time, she arrived 5 minutes after I was brought to the recovery room. Then the nurse came to ask us whether we were ready for the baby. The moment she brought the baby to the room, I was really sad and felt so despair that the nurse was about to handed me a death baby… We wept for a while but then having time to see how peaceful the baby face and to observe how badly shapped his condition was. He had club hand, club feet, swollen in his forehead. The fluid in his abdomen was sucked before he was delivered to ease the process of the delivery, so his abdomen skin had lots of skin fold like an obese person who undergone the lipposucction treatment. It was a good closure for us to see the baby and we felt this is the best for the baby to end his suffering and his coming to the world to donate his cord blood for the research. We felt peace and joy afterward.
We believe that our Father always walk with us in any circumtances.
L and K
“Thank You for the gift of JOY, You gave us when You were resurrected. Because of You we know that no matter how challenging life may be, in the end we will rejoice again”
How very softly you tiptoed into my world
Only a moment you stayed
But what an imprint
Your footsteps have left upon my heart